Mom told me to update my blog...soooo...

I realize I haven't talked you in a while...keep in mind (Mom) I work two jobs and I also have a pretty active social life (with my cats)...

But yes I am still Paleo..and honestly seriously debating whether or not I should even cheat on Tuesday.  But the weekend I'm definitely planning on cheating...a lot..

I have also decided for my 30 day blog I will do a video blog just as something more fun and visual..its also the day I will be posting basically pictures of myself in my underwear...on the internet..for everyone to see.  My friend recently told me I have balls to do that...I hope my balls can inspire your balls to drop...you're welcome (sorry mom)

So the first week was super hard...and the second week was easier...but honestly at this point its not even a diet.  Its just the way I eat.  My mom and I and my sweet grandmother went to brunch last sunday and obviously they got tons of delicious bread and sugar and french toast and I got bacon and eggs.  Its to the point now where I can't cheat because I would let myself down so much.  Wow only 3 1/2 and I actually love myself more.  I care enough about myself to do the right thing.  I don't know that I have ever felt that way.  Self-loathing is such a comfortable familiar state for me.  Its where I have been for a while..but with the pounds I have been shedding I have obviously also shed my self-hatred and my dishonesty with myself.

Tegan and Sara have an amazing song called "Dark Come Soon"...Tegan says a line that goes "everything I say, I say to me first"  "So what I lied, I lie to me too".

I love this song because it talks about how we lie to ourselves first.  Which is what I had to over come. 
"one bite won't hurt", "I can make up for it later", " I ran a mile today I can have some cake."  Um yes it will, no you won't.

Then you get to the bottom of the spiral and you hate yourself so much nothing can pull you out.  And you're fat, and you can't even let the people around you love you because you don't love yourself..you don't even like yourself.  Why would you? You're a fat slob with no will power and no hope.
Wrong.

Its a choice.  A series of choices.  Make the right ones and you will feel rewarded.  Its not "I need to lose 20lbs". Its gotta be "just say no to that sandwhich".  Baby steps.  Small changes.  Don't freak out.  Just calm down.  Lunge toward the light.