Slow and Steady Wins the Fat Race

I am a food addict and it has taken me years to admit it. There are so many different triggers to my obsession with food. Its actually pretty messed up stuff. Have you ever gotten out your Christmas lights after a full year of them sitting in the closet and somehow they have magically twisted into a ridiculous circuit of wires and knots with no discernible beginning and no foreseeable end? Imagine each one of those wires is a different strand of my food addiction. That is messed up right? Right.

So take that kind of psycho emotional, mental and physical confusion and add to it some horrible life and relationship choices, a dash of normal female insecurities, and sprinkle the fact that I have worked in restaurants, surrounded by imbibery and excess, my entire life. Basically just add life and all that goes with it.  My potentially gorgeous ball of Christmas lights just turned into a giant knot of fat and death.  I say this so you understand the visual of my food addiction infiltrating every aspect of my life and choking it to death. Isn't that pleasant? Kind of makes me want to eat a cupcake....

So for the last four years it has taken me probably twice as long to lose the weight I'm determined to lose. I have quit like a million times. I have rejected all my knowledge and research and gone on 5 day sugar binders. I have quit CrossFit and exercising more times than I care to admit. But I'm still going. Still trying. Still struggling. I declare 2012 the last year I'm fat.

What does fat mean to me? It used to mean a lot more, but now I've decided its 20% body fat. That's healthy, doable, and something I can live with. I'm at 29% so its gonna happen this year. It will happen damn it .I say this so you understand the importance of having a doable, but challenging goal. Without goals, we are just aimlessly wondering around trying not to desperately tear open a sugar packet and pour it down our fat gullets.

During Paleo challenges I'm happier than ever, because for once, my obsession doesn't control me. I don't think about talking myself down from a fresh baked chocolate chip cookie ledge, because I already made the decision  that I ain't jumping. I'm in a challenge and it doesn't matter what my addiction wants. I've already decided I'm winning this one. My crazy competitive nature totally trumps my fat ass, and so I don't obsess, or worry, or drive myself into madness thinking about bread. My mind was made up on day 1 of my challenge so it alleviates me of the stress of my addiction.

With every single moment that I control what I put in my body, I'm congratulating myself and blowing lots and lots of air into my self-esteem bubble. I am winning the battle with food. And the more I win, the stronger I become. And after a while I feel unstoppable. But I always was, and I didn't need a challenge to prove it. That's my hardest lesson. I can do this, I have always been capable and its really not that hard.

We can't change the past so why obsess over it? We have no idea what's in our future so what's the use in worrying? In this moment though? Everything is in this moment. The entire universe exists in the now. So right now you have a choice. And your choice won't change your past, but it can shape your future. Don't give up your focus and your goal because of a moment. Give up the moment to your focus and your goal. And when you see something you want, ask yourself if it helps your goal. Ask yourself if its fulfilling a momentary impulse or an actual need.  And pray to sweet baby Jesus because cake is delicious.