Secret Confessions- I'm a Food Addict

Today as I was eating my kosher bun-less hotdog during our restaurant's family meal, one of the cooks looked at me and said
"No bun?? You need carbs for energy, did you know Dr. Atkins died at 55?"
I said "bread and pasta are slow burning and actually provide no energy, that's why I'm eating asparagus and eggplant because those are actual energy carbs" 
She looked at me bewildered, I further explained I get my carbs and subsequent energy from fruits and veggies.  She replied, " I had no idea fruits and veggies were carbs"

Yet she knew that Dr. Atkins died at age 55.  This is what scares me.  This is what keeps me up at night.  This and standing behind the obese woman in kroger with her obese child and her cart filled with horrendous food, thinking that her whole grain bread is better than white bread.  It's not only a lack of education its a a product of the industry flat out lying to people and its freaking sad.

Do you want to know what's more sad than that?  The fact that I have the knowledge (however little it may be) and I still eat horrible foods.  Why? I'm a food addict.  And even more specific I'm a "moment" addict.  Which is even more frightening in terms of life choices.

I'm an impulse addict.  And it has never seemed like such a problem until I gained 80lbs.  And I think I've learned that it is not isolated to just food.  It crosses every single aspect of my life.  It controls me and it causes me to make poor decisions despite having all the necessary knowledge to change.  And that makes me worse off than the fat ladies at Kroger: I know better...

So as I go along my journey and realize that it is not just about the food I eat but how and why I eat and how each day exercising a little bit of control of impulse in every part of my everyday decision making I can gain the practice and discipline to transfer over to my diet and my exercise.

And just for the record let me just say one more time that grains are not good for you in any way whatsoever.  No they don't have fiber that you can even use.  They are sugar.  Period.  Whew..

Let me also say that today I stared at a plate of brownies while eating asparagus and I think it made it a little easier...

What. The. Hell.

No weights, no paleo makes Julie a fatty patty.

So I got a new job as a manager at a restaurant/brewery.  And let's just say it's been going really well except for the beer and bread... and not working out.  Now it's all catching up to me and those jeans that used to fall off all the sudden are staying on.  More importantly I don't feel great... and by not great I mean I feel horrible.

Because I made my 30 days of paleo a novelty and gave myself a month long pat on the back where I was so proud of myself that I decided eating EVERYTHING and not working out was the best reward ever... I have lost some serious ground.  But don't worry you guys, I have good news.

I'm back... starting today I'm doing another 30 days of paleo, but not just for you this time, for me.  I have discovered something amazing about myself recently... I have a ridiculous amount of willpower.  4 weeks ago I decided I wouldn't bite my nails anymore.  I bit my nails for 28 years and tried everything to quit.... everything except actually just quitting... like just saying you know what I'm not going to do this anymore... and yesterday I cut my fingernails for the first time ever.  It seems like a small thing but it proved something to me... I don't need gimmicks or accountability.  I don't need motivation or a support buddy to call when I'm about to cheat.  I have everything inside me to be successful... I just need to do it... and let nothing get in my way and no excuses overtake my willpower..

I also realize the people around me who are struggling with the exact things I always talk about and have told everyone a million times... I want to reach the people I love and somehow show them how paleo can change their life if they just commit and let them know they can do it.  I have found in my life as a trainer or a leader that you cannot make people do anything.... you can only do it... and let them see your success and then let them find their way... so here we go again.

Btw I will also be starting CrossFit again (thank god) at CrossFit East Decatur and I can't wait to start bitching about how sore and strong I am...