Back on the horse! Let's talk substitutions

Ok, so I royally messed up but now I'm back on the paleo horse... working out... eating delicious clean foods... and getting back on track. YAY!  I've also started writing for frugivoremag.com in an attempt to spread my paleo seed all over the planet! (as gross as that sounds)

Today I thought I'd talk a little about substitutions.  Everywhere I look I see it.  Paleo banana bread, paleo cookies, paleo ice cream, paleo pizzas, paleo beer... just kidding about the last one (p.s. hate to burst your bubble but gluten free is not paleo, it's made with buckwheat and a special brewers yeast... still grains).  And I think it's funny because the whole point of paleo is to be eating what our ancestors ate and I seriously doubt they were eating paleo cookies... seriously doubt it.

I hear your argument... I can hear it in my head right now... "but it's better than actual cookies."  Hmm, is it? How so?  I'd be curious to hear how you justify it.  Because there isn't any gluten or wheat or dairy or soy and it falls under all the "rules" of paleo?  Right, yeah.  But what is the point of paleo?  Let's talk about sugar.

If you are at your goal weight... and you're no longer addicted to sugar... and you cheat maybe once a month... and you can deadlift exactly what you want and you are supplement and disease free.. I see no issue with substitutions.  But if you're trying to lose weight and kick the sugar, then no substitutions.  NO SUBSTITUTIONS.

I'm not saying you can't do it at all but I can say in my 30 days the only two subs I had were coconut milk and almond butter.  The point is to kick the sugar and carb addiction and if you're eating a bowl of "paleo" ice cream every night chances are you aren't doing that.  Not to mention you are setting yourself up to cheat.  If you're a first timer to paleo I recommend staying away from the subs until you're more advanced.  Like until you know you can control it.  I had this trainer named Corey who was a badass and she would buy a brownie... it would literally take her an entire month to eat it.  She had self-control like I've never seen.  I learned the one bite and let it go method from watching her.  Like after a night of drinking a fifth of vodka we got hotdogs and Corey still ate hers without a bun (although I argue that because I threw my hotdog up out of a moving cab that mine didn't count either).  But we are talking about someone who had been doing this a long time.  Subs are dangerous for first timers.  Subs can lead to cheats.  You need to just get it in your head that food is fuel right now and you need to eat only what you need because for your whole life you were eating what you wanted.  That's why you're fat and disgusting.  So stop it.

Yep...I messed it ALL up...

Ugh the entire 30 days of straight Paleo almost a complete waste...yep that's right because I followed it up with almost 30 days of complete crap..and not working out on top of it...and so what happened you asked? I am not sleeping well..I've gotten a little fatter, slower, more bitchy and less positive.  Tomorrow I turn 28 and I ask myself how far am I really from where I was 3 years ago?  Because there are fundamental psychological things that I still have yet to change...

1. I am bad with money

This is a lesson I am learning the hard way.  It is also my #1 excuse for when I cheat.  It is cheaper and more available to go to wendy's.  Plus its still delicious to me and probably always will be.  Then I get in a cycle..and I can't get out.  The truth is paleo is not my budget problem and when I sat down and actually looked at my finances and then went to the store and started shopping smarter I can manage.  Duh.  Yeah almond meal is $12 a pound.  But chicken and veggies? Super cheap.  Knocking out the substitutions is the best thing I ever did.

2. I love instant gratification

If it looks delicious and I'm not be held hostage by a 30 day paleo promise? I WILL eat it..and eat a lot of it. Its something I've dealt with my whole life.  I am always afraid if I don't partake in something I'll be missing out.  It also believe it or not has a direct impact on #1..jeez go figure all of this stuff is related.

3. I don't have time

Recently my boss did an exercise in time management.  It truly was amazing.  There are 168 hours in a week. Go through you're actual schedule including everything you can think of and I promise you, you will have at least 2 hours left over to make your food.  The killer? Get up an hour earlier to workout/prepare for the day and see what happens.

These are really the biggest problems for me and I have been avoiding them for a while.  Now I'm tackling them head on.  I am tired of failing or succeeding and then failing.  Its time to make some serious changes for myself.  I am back on paleo and I'm also working on intermittent fasting ie. eating all my calories for the day in a 7 hour period.  I'll let you know how it goes.  Tomorrow when I turn 28 (i'm stopping counting after this one by the way)  I will no without a doubt that I'm better off than I was because I have the knowledge and the tools to be successful.  I have realized where my weaknesses lie and now I'm ready to destroy them!  Come on! It'll be fun...

Yes I'm awful and the worst blogger in history....but here it is

I realize that I finished my 30 days of Paleo almost 30 days ago.  Like I get it and you all have been waiting on pins and needles I'm sure.  To be honest with you I have been doing not such a great job since then.  I have been eating ridiculous nonsense, not working out, and being a total loser.  There are several reasons (excuses) for this.
1. I work literally like 75 hours a week and barely have time to grocery shop much less cook my food.  I could get up early and do it and work out but I struggle to wake up early because my diet is so bad and I haven't been sleeping well.  Yep, duh.

2.  I have been super broke adjusting to just working one job and I'm not kidding when I say I have had to eat on $20 for an entire week.  Yep, michaelina's lean meals are .88.  Judge away trust me I am paying the price. 

Because of my weakness as a human being and my horrible decisions I am feeling it this week.  I feel horrible, I actually have allergies, and ps right after I went off Paleo I got a horrible stomach virus and threw up for 2 days straight.  I know.. duh.

All this has shown me is of course it works but obviously you have to stick with it.  And trust me my little babies I am getting back on the horse.  Hopefully this shows you that I am not perfect, I do trip up, and I pay the price.  But don't worry...as long as you get back on it you can reverse the damage.  The problem is sticking to it when life gets in the way.  duh.

So here are my pictures.  No video because I couldn't get my imovie to do anything.  But at least you can see that I actually have done something.  These are from before I EVER started paleo to now.  Here's the proof folks.

I'm a slacker and a horrible human being..

I have been so busy with shit lately I realized I haven't even done my update for the end of my 30 days...Trust me I am working on it.  I'm doing a video blog with all my pictures and stuff and me sort of telling my story...I hope you all enjoy it just takes a little time.  Please bare with me as being awesome is not something you can rush:)  Also in other news..Paleo did change my life..in more ways than one.  Hopefully one day I will share the complete extent of it with you all.  But at this time just know I feel awesome, I look more and more awesome every day, and my life is awesome:)

Thanks for all your support and I promise it will be up soon!

Mom told me to update my blog...soooo...

I realize I haven't talked you in a while...keep in mind (Mom) I work two jobs and I also have a pretty active social life (with my cats)...

But yes I am still Paleo..and honestly seriously debating whether or not I should even cheat on Tuesday.  But the weekend I'm definitely planning on cheating...a lot..

I have also decided for my 30 day blog I will do a video blog just as something more fun and visual..its also the day I will be posting basically pictures of myself in my underwear...on the internet..for everyone to see.  My friend recently told me I have balls to do that...I hope my balls can inspire your balls to drop...you're welcome (sorry mom)

So the first week was super hard...and the second week was easier...but honestly at this point its not even a diet.  Its just the way I eat.  My mom and I and my sweet grandmother went to brunch last sunday and obviously they got tons of delicious bread and sugar and french toast and I got bacon and eggs.  Its to the point now where I can't cheat because I would let myself down so much.  Wow only 3 1/2 and I actually love myself more.  I care enough about myself to do the right thing.  I don't know that I have ever felt that way.  Self-loathing is such a comfortable familiar state for me.  Its where I have been for a while..but with the pounds I have been shedding I have obviously also shed my self-hatred and my dishonesty with myself.

Tegan and Sara have an amazing song called "Dark Come Soon"...Tegan says a line that goes "everything I say, I say to me first"  "So what I lied, I lie to me too".

I love this song because it talks about how we lie to ourselves first.  Which is what I had to over come. 
"one bite won't hurt", "I can make up for it later", " I ran a mile today I can have some cake."  Um yes it will, no you won't.

Then you get to the bottom of the spiral and you hate yourself so much nothing can pull you out.  And you're fat, and you can't even let the people around you love you because you don't love yourself..you don't even like yourself.  Why would you? You're a fat slob with no will power and no hope.
Wrong.

Its a choice.  A series of choices.  Make the right ones and you will feel rewarded.  Its not "I need to lose 20lbs". Its gotta be "just say no to that sandwhich".  Baby steps.  Small changes.  Don't freak out.  Just calm down.  Lunge toward the light.

WTF Peanut M&Ms, V-Day Treats, and an accidental cheese incident

So today is day 15 of my all paleo diet and I have to say one thing I have learned in the last two weeks is that preparation is totally key..otherwise you might slip up and accidentally eat some cheese.

I have been doing super well although probably not eating enough since I have been really busy with work and all thats.

So last night I worked at the restaurant and of course there were freaking v-day cupcakes.  Golden yellow with delicious pink frosting, and almond hershey kisses which are infinitely better than regular kisses (at least right now).  And a GIANT bag of peanut M&Ms which is funny because I was just talking to my friend about them and how they were definitely a factor in my cheat meal.  BUT I resisted all of it.  I know my goals and I know what I want to do and if I want a smoking hot beach bod there's no room in my life for nonsense.  But then there was the pizza....

Exhibit A: look how close they were to me all night!

So at my restaurant they have gluten free pizza which is awesome because I was starving last night.  So I told them to make me a gluten free with chicken, spinach, mushrooms, tomatoes, basil, and a sprinkle of goat cheese (you can have that in moderation).  Well all of our pizzas come with fontina, parmesan, and white cheddar.  They didn't know I only wanted goat cheese.  So they made this beautiful pizza (all ingredients on top so I couldn't see the cheese) that I tore up in like 5 sec.  About the second piece in I realized it had cheese on it.  Suffice to say I still ate THE HELL out of it.  Hey you have to pick your battles.  And our cheese in not processed and all organic so whateves I did what I had to do.  No M&Ms and cupcakes and kisses warrants a little forgiveness.

So today's lesson kids is to PREPARE so you don't get stuck accidentally eating cheese or something worse like bread.  You got this.

Life gets in the way...

So I haven't posted EVERY day like I should because I have been distracted by work, and working out, and well, other pleasant distractions:)

Look lets just say my blog has blown up to epic status and it is super hard to keep all my readers (fans) in the know constantly.  I've gotten a lot of attention on Paleo and CrossFit and of course myself which according to some people "I love attention".  And I dooooo!!!

So now that its totally working and people can actually see my results, all the haters are coming out of the woodwork and trying to figure this thing out.  You all know what Paleo is sort of, lean meats, fruits, nuts, veggies, seeds.  No legumes/soy/wheat/gluten/dairy/sugar.  But I am getting a couple really specific questions that I should probably address.

1. How many times a day do I eat?
The answer to this question varies.  Honestly usually only 3 or 4 which might blow some people's minds who hear you have to eat 6 small meals a day to keep your metabolism going.  So I can burn calories? Well because I'm eating clean I really on take in around 1500 a day and my body needs 1600 (I actually had that tested) just to function.  Add even one work out on top of that and I am burning almost as much as I take in.  I have almost no fat save almond butter, coconut milk, canola oil or fish oil which are all high in Omega 3s which is good fat that my body needs anyways.  I literally only eat when I'm hungry.  Not when I'm bored or emotional or anything like that.  Just when I'm hungry.  You'd be surprised how many times a day you are actually hungry. 

I DO NOT recommend you do exactly what I do.  I advise you go get your body fat/bmi/fat lbs tests done and start from there.  If it says you need 1700 calories to survive then you should be right at that and exercising for fat lose.  If you don't have fat to lose and you're working out then you might need to be around 2000.  I know CrossFit guys with 0 fat who take in around 3000.  But you have to play with it.  Do some research and find out what works for you.  Eating when you're not hungry doesn't make any sense to me.  Eat when you're hungry. Stop when you're full.  Duh,

2. Do you take any supplements?
I take 1000mg of vitamin D, a super B12 complex, and 6-8 capsules of fish oil a day.  That's it.  Women past the age of 25 tend to be deficient in Vitamin D which often you can find in milk or outside but right now since its balls ass freezing and I don't do dairy I take a supplement.  The benefits of a super B12 complex are amazing.  All of us ladies need that shit around our monthly times because we become deficient crazy vitamin B starved bitches and will literally start killing people.  And don't get me started on the benefits of fish oil.  Its just awesome.  Make sure you get one that's been purified of mercury and all the other disgusting shit we have done to the poor fishies.

Um that's not protein.  Its roids and he looks absolutely ridiculous.  How does he wipe his ass??

Protein shakes are ridiculous! RIDICULOUS! Stay away from them at all costs!  Look at the ingredients.  If it says "proprietary blend" of ANYTHING put it down and back away slowly.  Quick movements might disturb the juice heads and make them pounce!

If you're trying to lose weight liquid nutrition is a bad way to go period.  And I hate to tell you this but if you are trying to get bigger than you are protein is not going to do it.  You need to lift and lift heavy.  And even then you will NEVER get big if its not in your DNA or your body type.  So stop trying.  All you're doing is giving yourself diabetes and cancer.  And that does not look good even with a hot beach bod.

Hope you enjoyed!  I cannot wait to put up my before and after pictures because ya'll are going to lose your shit!! Till next time.....